Remeberance: Everyday I miss you

Everybody has a person in their life, that no matter what you just can’t seem to ever let go of. For me, that person entered my life 12 summers ago and abruptly left my life 2 summers ago.

I remember the day I met him like it was yesterday.  Spending our first summer together, entwined as one, the gentle touch of his hands on my face, his comforting voice in my ears — I had felt like I was finally in a reality I had enjoyed living in.

He wasn’t just any person, he was my first love. A first love, that made my heart speed,  mind race, longing to be with him as much I could. My dreams had become a mist of reality, until that day.

The summer we spent together, was a summer like many others.  I spent more than 5 years loving every inch of him, his comforting hands, his attentive personality, but most of all the way he looked at me.

And then it changed.

Three years ago from August, my life was shattered into a million different pieces. It was the week before his big family trip, I wasn’t too happy that I’d be away from him for more than a week — but I dealt with  it and sent him on his vacation.

Little did I know,  the few moments I spent with him at my house, cuddling, feeling his warm kisses, watching our favorite T.V show — would be the last time I’d ever see him again.

The same night,  I felt like something was wrong; I could feel it in my heart that my love was in trouble. I was right, so right,  so right I felt like I  had just been shot in the chest.

24 hours later I received a phone call; not just a phone call, but a phone call that broke my heart, shattered what was left of me into a million different pieces. It was my boyfriends  mother, with some disheartening news.

The man I had fallen in love with, the man I enjoyed so much, the man I longed to be with every waking moment.. had just been murdered.

Losing my breath, taken back, lost for words I felt like everything had just been taken from me.   It changed me, my views on love, how protective I should be, and it showed me almost immediately how much I truly loved him.

See, what hurts the most is .. he wasn’t just murdered — he was beaten to death on vacation. I found that out about an hour after the phone call that to this day still has me in tears.

Let me just say this, wherever you are up in their in heaven my love. I still love you very much. You will always be my baby.